Reflections of ....

A Breast Cancer Survivor…
Written by: Pamilla deLeon- Lewis
In 2003, I dreamed I had a mastectomy because of breast cancer. The dream prompted me to go to the doctor because it seemed so real. Because I had no symptoms, I was not taken seriously. In retrospect, the doctor never referred me to get a mammogram even though I was past the age that qualified me for annual screenings, and the doctor was aware of that. After several visits to my Primary doctor she finally gave me the referral to see a surgeon . A sonogram and a breast exam later a biopsy was scheduled and that August I was officially diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma.
Initially, I was numb and the tumultuous emotions that followed left me feeling disconnected and confused. I still can’t fathom why it had such an effect on me when I knew that I had breast cancer. I guess it must have been the fact that it passed from dream to reality. The night before my mastectomy I threw a pity party and bade my right breast (Gloria) goodbye. I then served it a notarized eviction notice and toasted it with some sparkling cider. Standing in front of the mirror in my birthday suit, I challenged- breast cancer whom I had dubbed- DeMon. The fight was on. I promised that monster that I was going to be victorious. I vowed to knock out breast cancer permanently.
I was stage II (2.5cm) with 5 lymph nodes out of 16 infected. I had 6 months of aggressive Chemotherapy( Adriamycin, Cytoxan, Taxol / Taxotere) and 8 weeks Radiation therapy. Taxol almost killed me so it was replaced by its cousin Taxotere. I was not a happy camper because I was not told about all the possible side-effects.
As a result of that treatment I now have Neuropathy, severe Chemo-related vertigo, an enlarged heart. short term memory loss and aches and pains that never quit. It is not an easy adjustments since I now have to have someone with me most of the times. I often stagger like a drunk and I even fall down occasionally. I can't lie on my back or turn my head too suddenly neither can I bend over without getting lightheaded. My daily existence is definitely a challenge but I refuse to be manipulated by this disease or its side effects. My faith is my strength and my ability to express my frustrations, anger, helplessness, fears and many other emotions gives me an outlet that is both practical and therapeutic.
I wrote my memoirs, a poetic novel, of motivational poetry titled, Smiling Thru The Tears- A Breast Cancer Survivor Odyssey which recounts my trials and tribulation with this dastardly disease- www.freewebs.com/pamilladeleon3/ .
I also write ezine articles, and I naturally gravitated to motivational speaking. My resume now include speaking engagements at Vassar College, The College of New Rochelle, Hofstra University,etc, women's conferences and retreats, breast cancer organizations, radio and television interviews, and workshops and seminars.
I speak and advocate to anyone who will listen as I am passionate about the topic. I also publish an online newsletter for my cancer support chatroom buddies that is fun and entertaining.
The newsletter which I publish provide links to several sites one of which is Metamorphosis website, like this website- CabCo USA (Caribbean American Breast Cancer Organization ), is a resource center where folks can go when they want to get away from all the cancer related talk and terminology. It’s a place to momentarily forget about cancer. At Cabco & Metamorphosis you can find some solace, humor, and optimism in the many articles published on the sites.
When I was battling breast cancer there were times when I wanted to find a safe haven- a place to de-stress, a place where I could forget about breast cancer for a moment, and place where I could sometimes visit just to laugh a bit. I yearned for a site that I could visit and find support and camaraderie, a place where I could feel normal and be validated for who I am, a place where I could just be, a place where I didn't feel so alone and disconnected. This is where CabcoUSA and Metamorphosis Newsletter websites are helpful. www.choonkanz.simplenet.com
I honestly believe that cancer thrives on fear; it is a bully. Cancer wants you to be totally at its mercy. But don’t you fall for its hype. It is not easy resisting the fears and doubts, nor will it be easy to disregard it from being at the forefront of every thought, but you must. You must take charge of your thoughts and emotions and surround yourself with upbeat people; think positive thoughts as you laugh and reaffirm your victory over this disease- see yourself healthy and vibrant.
Even if you are laid up in bed listen to upbeat music and dance daily, and survivors heartily enjoy every moment of every day. Do not allow cancer to permeate your every thought, it will try to. but you must make your God an integral part of your every thought, not breast cancer. The truth be told, this outlook doesn't come easily. For me it was an uphill battle but eventually it became the norm because I persisted. Now it has become easy for me to stay proactive. I wrote daily affirmations which I declared several times daily and repeated at every opportunity. I still do. I still write affirmations which I have everywhere. I also/write confrontational poetry denouncing breast cancer and I have a second book, Beyond The Tears- Life Lessons For The Survivor to be released later this year.
I am a breast cancer survivor who is cancer free, however, I still have issues. I hurt daily, I stagger and I sometimes fall; my fingers and toes are numb and tingle relentlessly, I have Cardiac- Arythmia, my vision is now poor, my short term memory is compromised and the list goes on.
Physically, I have limitations but spiritually… Well, that is a totally different story. I am undaunted. My faith is something that this disease can't touch or corrupt in anyway ever. After God, I call the shots in my life, not breast cancer or any other disease for that matter. The Creator Himself gave me dominion, so I used it and banished cancer to hell where it belongs.
The moment I earnestly prayed for the spirit of fear to be removed from my life, the moment I challenged this disease and came to terms with my Source of Power was the moment that I overcame. I came to the realization that God is in charge and bigger than that stupid disease so I boldly set my parameters for breast cancer. It was then that I stopped fearing breast cancer because I accepted whose I am and realized the awesome power that dwelt within me.
After God, I am master of my own fate and so are you- not breast cancer.
Fast forward to 2007. I am proud to declare that I am now back to work minus the daily vertigo episodes. It is now few and far between. God be praised I can now venture out on my own. I still have issues that persist like the neuropathy and the chronic pains that daily plague my shoulders, neck, back, arms and legs; however, I can, for the most part, function productively.

The author of this motivational article is unknown but I hope it inspires you to positive action.
Fear Is Conquered By Taking Action
Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
When you dare to face the things that scare you, you
open the door to freedom and success.
Most of your obstacles would melt away if, instead of
cowering before them or procrastinating about dealing
with them, you make up your mind to walk boldly
through them.
Don't be afraid to take the steps you need to take to
make those positive changes in your life.
To fight your fears, you must act.
Your fears increase when you wait, put off, or
postpone.
If you understood your situation enough, you would
never be afraid.
The attainment of your dreams is but a determined
action away.
Successful people take action.
bravenet.com